The Power’s Behind My Recovery

The Power’s Behind My Recovery

There is more than one power source behind my drug addiction recovery.

From my wife Gretchen, she is my rock, to my family, Mom, Sister, Brothers, In Laws. To the people at The Retreat, from check- in, to check-out and every other guest there that I spent my time with. The first person I met at my first meeting when I got home from The Retreat. To last person I met today, and to all whose lives I will come across throughout my drug addiction recovery journey. Every single person from day one on has been and continues to be a power source behind my recovery. I am eternally grateful to all. Through all of you, your power, strength, love, your support, understanding and forgiveness has been given to me.

It wasn’t too long ago that I admitted I was powerless over drugs and alcohol and my life had become unmanageable. I no longer feel powerless, I feel empowered and my life is becoming more manageable each day. I know the powers that I have behind me are great, and of course very powerful, without them and without you, none of this would be possible.

At the top of the list is M.H.P. (my higher power), M.H.P. has been right there with me since day one, even before that, through it all. He’s been right there no matter what, even when I didn’t realize it. Even those times when I didn’t want or think I needed his help, or any help at all from myself or anyone else. He had his hand reached out to me, ALWAYS. M.H.P. is there unconditionally. I’m grateful to now be aware of that and embrace it, accept it and grow with it.

Once I was able to have that connection with M.H.P. I knew things were going to be different, I could feel it. It didn’t just happen, it didn’t happen the first day at The Retreat. It didn’t happen when I thought it would or when I was looking for it to happen. It just happened, I didn’t plan it, I couldn’t have if I tried, and I did try. It’s like love; you seem to find it when you’re not really looking for it, then BOOM, there it is.

Except for me it wasn’t a boom, it was more of an easy flowing wave, no bright lights or rays of light. I like to call it a spiritual wave that I felt flow in and around me. I felt it fill me up, surround me and expand me, yeah that’s what I felt. I could feel the emptiness of my soul that had been sucked near dry by the demons of my drug addiction, being filled and warmed with a kind, gentle, strong and powerful spirit.

I couldn’t hold back the tears, all of the feelings and emotions I had smothered for so many years could not be held back any longer. I was sobbing and I wasn’t really sure why. I knew one thing for sure; no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stop crying. Believe me when I tell you, I tried to fight it, I tried to fight off the tears, but I couldn’t. After a minute or two I couldn’t stop, then I didn’t want to stop, the release felt so great! After years of being so closed, the levee finally opened and started releasing everything; the flow of emotions was overwhelming. It was the moment I never knew I was waiting for. I’ve said it before, oh what a release it is.

We’ve all heard the term “Let Go, Let God”, yeah that’s it, LET GO, let it all go, let go absolutely.

I am grateful to all, I’m grateful for the direction and connection with M.H.P (my higher power), myself and the universe. I’m grateful for the gift of life.

If I were to remain powerless, I wouldn’t be here. Thank you for the powerful gifts. I know how to accept them now.

Stay Strong, Great Choices,

Benji

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